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Our fun day at the doctor

I'm totally going to talk about my boobs.

I had a doctor's appointment today because (the very thing every woman dreads saying) - I found a lump. I let it be for a week or so, but I knew I should probably have it checked. Given my not-so-favorable family history of breast cancer, off I went like a dutiful "please god, not this too" mama. (My evil brain has a way of running off with bad thoughts, dragging me behind by my hair for the ride.) My doctor's not too concerned, thinks it's most likely hormone-related, but is still sending me off for an ultrasound, mammogram and exam with the breast surgeon. (How's that for feeling confident that she's "not concerned"? Really. But I'm not all too concerned. Really. No - really.)

Aren't you jealous? Seriously - women have to go through labor AND we have to worry about breast cancer? How's THAT fair?

But that's not the oh-so-fun part. I was nervous about bringing Sammy along, as he's quite mobile (read: will climb anything), and I was really hoping that a) he would simply nap in the stroller or b) he'd be easily amused with crayons and stickers. What I wasn't planning on, however, was that Sammy would think we were at the doctors for him. He screamed and sobbed and begged for me to "Go out door! Go out door!" It broke my heart - no matter how much I convinced him that we were there for mommy and not him, his experiences with doctors' offices are not pleasant - usually for EKGs or immunizations/monthly RSV shots. He worked himself up so much that he actually broke out in hives and there was little I could do to calm him down. It was just miserable.

I felt so awful about making him feel so awful that I did something I probably shouldn't have - I took him to the cafe up the street and bought him an italian cookie and a piece of carrot cake (which we shared and saved half for Jay). I know I shouldn't appease him with food, but honestly, after that afternoon, I'm not sure who needed it more - him or me!

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Comments (11)

You...definitely you.

No...him...definitely him.

Yeah...both of you!! :)

Wish I could have joined you! Right now I'd just go for some good old fashioned sleep!!

Love you,
Shari

Posted by Shari | November 19, 2007 11:34 PM

my heart aches for you as well. my son is now 13 1/2 months old and was born with truncus arteriosis with open heart reconstruction at 15 days old. he is now getting his 2nd round of rsv vacines and i cannot wait for april when they will be done. he is quickly recognizing the dr.'s office and even freaks out when the stethescope comes near. i dread the monthly visits for the rsv and we have a heart cath and bronch coming up right before christmas. i think that it is worse because he is really in a phase of extreme seperation anxiety. he is always with one person that he knows all the time since he cannot be in daycare yet. i will get bettter. my thoughts and prayers are with you. we are only given as much as we can handle. Also, try to take the time to read Room of Marvels. A great quick read, well worth your time. sincerely, another heart mom

Posted by riann | November 20, 2007 12:53 AM

Oh sheesh! I feel so much for you. I'm so sorry you're going through scary stuff. I will send good thoughts your way. It breaks my heart to think of Sammy's reaction to the doctor. He's gone through a lot, obviously. The occasional piece of comfort cake won't hurt him. And it was probably just as cathartic to sit there with his mama enjoying the moment as anything. You haven't ruined him. Honest. ;)

Posted by jesser | November 20, 2007 9:48 AM

Well. I had a lump last year too and it turned out to be a fibroadenoma - read: harmless. I'm hoping it's the same for you.

Poor Sammy.

Posted by erica | November 20, 2007 9:53 AM

my thoughts and prayers are always with you and your family...just have to say a few extra for you guys this week....

Posted by Darren | November 20, 2007 1:40 PM

Hoping and praying all turns out well.

Happy (early) Thanksgiving :)

Posted by Miss B | November 20, 2007 8:24 PM

Could it just be calcium deposits in there? I hope it is nothing. Sorry that Sammy freaked so badly...poor thing!

Posted by Allie | November 24, 2007 10:26 AM

After everything I've been through over the past 6 weeks, I'm glad they are taking it seriously and getting it checked out further, even if they aren't very concerned. If my doctor had done the basic surgery in early October that the ultrasound pointed to me needing for fibroids, I wouldn't have ended up with 3 blood transfusions to get me to a stable enough state to undergo a partial hysterectomy.

They told me that they weren't very concerned. I told them that I was glad *they* weren't concerned, because I sure was. I should have jumped ship and gone to a different doctor right away when I saw just how not concerned they were -- the outcome would have been VERY different.

Insist that they do everything possible. It is hopefully nothing, but you need to make sure.

(And poor Sammy! I can just imagine how upset he was -- poor thing! I would have bought treats afterwards too!)

Posted by Christine | November 24, 2007 9:08 PM

Okay, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you appeasing Sammy with some food in that situation at all...I would have done the same thing!

Posted by Deb | November 26, 2007 10:54 PM

Awww, that's so sad! Poor little guy. My sister gives Andrew M&Ms and they've become a comfort for him.

Good luck with the results.

Posted by Rachael | November 27, 2007 6:13 PM

If the boob thing goes south, write me. I'm under 35 and going through the whole BC thing. I can relate to the fear of finding something. If you end up needing a second opinion, I know an awesome boob surgeon.

But here is hoping you don't need ANY of my advice or info.

Posted by Rebecca | December 1, 2007 2:51 PM
 

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