Dear Grandparents,

I know you love Sammy and want to spoil him rotten, however, please be advised of the following new rules:

1) Visits will be shortened by no fewer than ten minutes for each screw a toy requires. If there are special tools involved, visits will be shortened by a half-hour. If greater than thirty minutes are needed to assemble the toy, visits will be shortened in direct relationship to the length of time required to assemble each toy.

2) Phone calls will be made at inopportune times and/or in the middle of the night, and the noisy toys will be played over and over and over so that you, too, can partake in the noise-making joy.

Please take these new rules into consideration as you continue to spoil your grandchild.

Thanks in advance,
Erika & Jay

(P.S. We're kidding. I know it's just payback for all the toys you had to put up with when we were small. Sammy truly enjoys all of his gifts - and we really enjoy watching him play with them - and that's all that matters to me.)