Last week, we got a new car. We had been talking for a while of getting something bigger, since there was no way to fit anyone in the back seat of the Focus with Sammy's carseat in. Long story short, Focus was in rough shape and I ended up trading it in for a Fusion. Love it.

Flash forward to today: took a corner too sharp to avoid a car who was coming around a corner too fast and came into my lane to avoid the buses taking up half of his lane. Made it about a mile before I realized: flat tire. On the new car I was already paying enough for. Hello, meltdown.

Thank god I was meeting my friend and her daughter for lunch. She took over Sammy duty while I made calls. She came over to check on us while we were still waiting for Roadside Assistance and then graciously covered my butt so I would have cash to tip the guy (who refused the tip anyway).

Turns out, there was a major accident right at the intersection I had driven through, not moments after I had driven through it. So very thankful we have just a flat, as it could have been much, much worse. And the tire won't cost as much as I thought it would to repair (though more than I had planned on spending when I woke up this morning!) and he had to get it from another dealer - which bought me an hour at home so a very overtired Sammy could nap.

One of these days - I'm thinking post-surgery? - I will get back to being able to cope with the little things in life. I should probably go a little easier on myself. I'm just grateful for the support system - and the little gifts from the universe - keeping me from going over the edge until then, even if I don't say it or show it.

3 boxes of Honey Bunches of Oats
1 box of Kashi Go Lean
1 box of Kashi TLC Oatmeal cookies
2 bottles of Palmolive Antibacterial dish soap
2 bottles of Vive Pro Smooth Intense Shampoo
2 packages of Stayfree Ultrathins
2 pacakges Carefree
2 packages of 3-bar Irish Spring soap
1 14lb container of Tidy Cats Scoop litter
2 boxes L'Oreal Preference hair color (Intense Red Copper, in case you were wondering)
2 6oz containers of Blue Diamond almonds
1 Colgate whitening
1 Maybelline Mineral Power foundation
1 Maybelline Mineral Power blush

Considering I got everything for less than the cost of the makeup and the haircolor, I'd say that I made out pretty well. Will update later with links to sales & coupons, but now? I need to get my brain out of CVS mode and into Sammy mode!

1. Memory Game for Sammy, plus hopefully a cymbal set (his latest musical addiction):$5 off $25 at Toys R Us. Expires tomorrow.
2. A new plant stand: 50% off one item at Michael's. Expires today.
3. More than I can list at Home Depot, including lumber, screen doors, ceiling fans, light fixtures, etc: 10% off coupon from ebay. If you have a large purchase, you can often ask for a discount at the Customer Service desk. Depending on the person and their mood, they will often give you a break - usually 10%, from what I hear.
4. New rugs for bathroom floor, new garbage can - 2 of these $10 off $30 at Bed, Bath & Beyond coupons. Expire tomorrow.
5. $5 off any purchase at Kohls - sign up for their email alert list. One coupon per email address.

Seriously - if you have to buy stuff, why pay full price? A quick google search will usually turn up a coupon or two that you can use to say a few bucks! If you're a AAA member, check out their site - there are usually a few deals you can find there (including a $10/$50 or 10% entire purchase coupon for Linens n Things).

EDITED: They've extended it to May 15! So - sign up, and then refer all your friends and make some easy money!

Now for the real "post", as rambly as it may be:

Recently, I've tried making some real steps towards reducing our footprint. As Sammy is becoming more and more aware of things, and more and more capable of understanding things, I've really started examining what we do and what I want him to learn. And since kids learn from example...

We've always recycled, but I'm looking forward to setting up a "real" recycling center in the house, with compartments for paper, glass and plastics, and making more of an effort to buy things with as little packaging as possible. One thing I would love to do, once we're post-surgery and my head is out of my ass, is really research where our food comes from and make a considerable effort to buy as local as possible. We've already signed up for the local CSA, and I'm looking forward to taking trips to the farm with Sammy so he can begin to understand that food doesn't just magically appear. I'm hoping, now that he's older, we can really have a fruitful garden out back as well. We had a great summer of composting before Sammy was born; I'd like to get back to that. I also need to get off my butt and reserve a rain barrel before they're all gone again. We would use that water to water the grass and garden, rather than from the hose - reducing our use AND our water bill!

I've become a tad bit obsessed with "money saving" blogs. There's a whole world out there of people who can feed families of four on $40 a week. I swear, we spend that on milk alone for Sammy. Still, it's made me really aware of how unnecessarily frivolous we can be. Throw in the recent hunger riots happening - my eyes have really been opened to how much we waste. I'm not sure how much I can do for the global effort, but I do truly believe that little changes at home can have a wonderful snowball effect. At least that's what I hope. One thing I do feel bad about - we've always used disposable diapers. We've used Seventh Generation, so there's less processing, but in the end, they still end up in landfills. And I don't feel that our other efforts balance this out. Guilt, guilt, guilt.

I'm also a huge fan of freecycle, which you probably already know. It really upsets me to think back to college, when there was a huge dumpster outside our townhouse and we would just toss whatever we didn't want or need. How much of that will still be sitting around somewhere, wasted, leaking crap into the (already threatened) water supply? How much of that could have lived a second, or third, or even fourth life with someone else? How much of it could have been recycled?

I am really starting to see how much easier it is to maintain a house when the only things in it are things we truly need (or truly want and appreciate). I've learned that memories will still exist without the things I've attached to those memories. Do I still have a box of Sammy's infant clothes? Hell yeah. But the most of them have been freecycled, and the other junk I've held on to for years just because? Most of it is gone. There is no need for it - the clutter is more than just taking up space in our house - it, I believe, truly clutters up our psyche as well.

It's rather freeing to make these small changes, and it's important to me that Sammy learn the importance of taking care of the Earth and the community around him. I want him to understand that he is a part of something much larger than himself. He's already grasped the "we're giving this toy to someone else who needs/wants it" idea, and he seems to rarely get attached to "things", which makes me feel good. Of course, he's only 2 and so much can change, but I'm hoping that by living these values every day, he will live them as well.

Step one: Sign up at Revolution Money Exchange. They're looking to become bigger than paypal. It's completely legit, backed by a bank, FDIC insured, yadda yadda. They're trying to create competition for paypal. It DOES ask for your SSN, but I truly believe it's safe - again, I've spent a couple of months eyeing it all and reading up on the site.

The $25 will be in your account almost immediately, but you need to sign up before April 15. You can also refer friends and earn $10 per referral, but the accounts need to be created by April 15th as well. You can have them cut you a check or have it transferred to your bank account. Click the button above to sign up. I thank you in advance for the $10 referral. :-) (Did I mention that the money is there almost instantly?)

MAKE MORE: Sign up, then have your husband/wife/partner sign up through you. Total - $60 ($25 each, $10 bonus).

Step two: Go sign up for a free Etrade Complete Savings Account. $25 will be deposited into your account after opening with a minimum deposit of $1. If you maintain the account, you will (currently) earn 3.01% APR. Not too shabby for free money!

MAKE MORE: Sign up yourself, your husband/wife/partner, your kids. Can't hurt to have a savings account for your kid, right?

And if you're not reading Money Saving Mom, you really should be.

• Sammy's Fontan (the next surgery - and hopefully last for a long, long time) is May 21.
  
• Nope, don't want to talk about it.
  
• But thanks.
  
• Cardiology visit yesterday went well. Sammy was amazing - handled everything like a trooper.
  
• Jay and I both have echocardiograms scheduled. They think Sammy's HLHS is a "fluke", but on the off-chance it's genetic, it'd be nice to know if we're walking around with something undetected. (Obviously it couldn't be HLHS, but there are recent studies showing other CHDs in family members of HLHSers.)
  
• My little nephew, Jonah, is in the hospital with what they think is pneumonia. They have a slew of specialists looking at him, just to be sure. Poor kid. Poor mama and daddy. Hospitals suck.
  
• I'm addicted to Twitter and hot water with lemon. It just sounded really good the other day, and now it's an easy way to make sure I'm drinking (at least some) water.
  
• Go here to try a free sample of True Lemon packet.
  
• I want to get a lemon tree to grow indoors, but I've read that they can be difficult? Any tips?
  
• Happy birthday Serena!
  
• Sammy told us the other day that he couldn't take pictures with his camera because he needed a "card". These kids will never know cameras with film, will they?
  
• Somewhere, in some alternate universe, I have it in my head that I'm really training for a 5k. Of course, I've made it to the gym twice in as many weeks. Wish me luck with that one.
  
• I'm getting tired of magazine articles with headlines like, "The BEST way to lose weight!" Or - "She lost 20lbs - find out how she did it!" It's called EAT LESS, EAT HEALTHIER and EXERCISE. Of course, while I know these things, easier said than done.
  
• I've decided that aside from milk, I am not buying anything at the grocery store until the freezer and cabinets are empty. Dinners should be rather creative the next few nights.
  
• We've finally moved Sammy's naps from the swing to the bed. Figured we had to, since he FINALLY crossed the 24lb mark. Was having visions of the swing crashing down with him in it.
  
• Next step - bye bye bottles. I'm thinking we'll wait until after surgery for that - it's a bit of a comfort for him (and mama).
  
• He likes to go potty "like daddy" - though his "potty like daddy" is kneeling on the seat, not standing. Not really ready to be cleaning up after THAT mess. And yes, he's still in diapers. We'll work on that after surgery as well.
  
• We were told that the average stay for the Fontan is 7-10 days, with step-down on day 2 or 3. If all goes according to plan, we'll be out in time for the Backyardigans Live show, but there's no way in hell I'm taking a post-open-heart kid to a venue full of germ-filled toddlers.
  
• If all goes according to plan, we will be bringing Sammy to Falcon Ridge. Very much looking forward to that.
  
• This one's for my non-blogging friend Sara: currently in my purse - my wallet, my keys, a half-eaten peanut butter cracker (one of those day-glo orange ones), one of Sammy's sippy cups, folded up sheets of paper with all my students' grades from last term, a lipstick in some awful shade I'll never wear, two chapsticks, a pen that doesn't write, a receipt from Hannaford, a few coupons I never got around to using and a Dunkin Donuts gift card with about $6 left on it

This isn't a mommy post bragging about how smart my son is. (We all know that already. ;-)) Instead, it just a post about my wonder at his love of all things music. He can identify almost every major instrument (including the oboe and the bassoon!). He can hear music and tell you, with decent accuracy, what instrument he hears. (We play classical music for him all night, and when we're putting him to bed, it's not unusual for him to stop, put his hand to his ear and say, "Oh - I hear a violin! I hear a flute!" If we are out and he hears music, he will stop until he can locate the speaker it's coming from.) When he picks up an instrument, he will count it off and then tap his foot to keep rhythm while he plays.

I truly believe there is music in his old soul. We could not have taught him the things he knows.

I took out my violin for him after his nap - he had never seen a real violin before, just ones on TV and on the computer. He immediately tried to put it up at his chin and hold the bow as you would expect a violinist to hold a bow. Then he placed the violin between his legs and drew the bow across the "cello". Finally, he held it next to him and told us he was playing the bass.

Has he been exposed to music since birth? Yes. Has he watched way too many episodes of Little Einsteins. Yes. But the way he lights up when he plays his saxophone or his clarinet, the way he makes us play in a band with him, the way he makes anything into a tuba or an oboe - there's got to be more to it. It comes too naturally for him. It must have come with him from wherever he was before. And I can't wait to see what he does with it as he grows.

Anyway - I had managed to get my current subscription for free and was lamenting over the fact that it was soon to run out, and there was NO WAY IN HELL I was paying $80 for a new subscription.

Enter slickdeals. Oh, how I love thee!

Discount Mags (legit site) has 1-year subscription to US Weekly (52 issues) for $5.97 with code SLICKDEALS valid for new subscriptions only. (Which, best I can decipher from what I've read, means new subscriptions through them.)

It will say $79 until you get to the screen with the promo code. And from what I can tell, you can only order once - I tried ordering for someone and it wouldn't change the price to $6.

I believe this ends tonight (though I'm not certain), so jump on it while you can, if you're actually reading in the three remaining hours. If not, you can still always try, right? :-)

Enjoy!

EDITED: The above deal no longer works. You can use the code UsWeekly70 to get 70% off, which brings the price down to $23.98. Still not too shabby a deal.

(And let's be honest here: a) we need them to nap everyday, and b) it's just as much for us as it is for them.)

Sammy isn't a bad kid - not by any stretch of the imagination. But he is a toddler. And with toddlerhood comes afternoons like today, times of testing boundaries and the limits of an already-exhausted mama's energy: dumping handfuls of cat foot into the cat water. Learning how to fill - and overfill - his cups of water at the water cooler. Tiptoeing closer and closer to whatever it is I've told him not to go near. Not bad things, just exhausting things.

It makes it all the more difficult that he's giggling and so damn cute while he's doing them.

Not difficult things, but damn cute ones:

Me (while changing his diaper): Hey Sammy - where's your belly button?
Sammy (slightly confused, as it was tucked under his diaper): Oh no! It's gone! We need to buy another one!

He has one of those plastic microphone things that echoes his voice. He's obsessed with the book, Punk Farm. Sure enough, he was running around, yelling into the microphone (I kid you not): ARE YOU READY TO ROOCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK?

And then, after banging on his piano: THANK YOU WISCONSIN!!!

It almost made up for the MIA nap. Almost. I foresee an early bedtime tonight. And some wine for mama. Yes, definitely some wine.

How many times can I write about how absolutely amazing my son is? Or about how terrified I am of his surgery? Or about how every time I open my email, I dread the message we're expecting from his cardiologist with the date - the date that is maybe 2, 3 months away?

Do you know how short 2 months is?

He has started hugging us tight at night. He says, "I love you!" when I leave for work. He said thank you, unprompted, when his friend handed him a toy today. He has music in his blood and would fall asleep holding his "saxamaphone" if we let him (which we do, sometimes). He still naps in his swing and I can't bring myself to move him off bottles of milk yet. It's a little piece of his babyhood I'm not willing to let go of just yet.

I was talking with my friend the other day about our kids growing up - that one day they will come home from school and go to their room and close the door. That one day, we won't know every little thing that happens to them. And I realize - I've had no problem with Sammy growing up. Sure, I've had little meltdowns when I realize that he's never going to be as small as he is right now, but on the other hand, the closer we get to that magical five-year mark, the better off we are in the long-term with his heart. I can handle getting him to five. I have no problem with the time passing to get us to five. But after that? Dropping him off at kindergarten?

Excuse me while I curl up and cry.

I do a lot of that lately. Crying, that is.

I shouldn't. But I can't help it. We are a mere few weeks from handing him over again, from waiting, waiting, waiting while they do things to his body that make the inside me want to scratch and crawl out of my own skin. I know that once it's over, we'll be okay. I know that once we're there, we move into hospital mode and it's so different than real-world mode. But I dread not being able to comfort him, dread him not understanding what's happening to him and being scared and angry about it all. I know he'll bounce back from it, but I dread the time while we're going through it. How do you explain all of it to a two-year old? I am grateful for these surgeries, as we wouldn't even have him here with us today without them, but on the other hand - how awful for a small child who is just beginning to understand the world to have to go through. How does that make sense in what he knows the world to be? Where will the pain and fear fit into his experience? Will he be mad at us? How will I handle that?

And sometimes, just sometimes, all the what-ifs creep in. Sure, Boston had something wonderful like a 99% Fontan survival rate last year. But what if?

I can't cope with that. Sometimes I don't have the energy to cope with normal, everyday things. Other days, I'm doing okay. Other times, still, I think it would be best for all involved if I just pulled the covers over my head and slept it all away, slept for days and weeks until I have the energy to cope again. And other days, something sets me off and I get so angry that I have a hard time calming down. (Beware, giant vehicles parked in the Compact Car section!) I keep promising myself that I will get better after this surgery. I have to, right? After all, I imagine there's only so long they'll let me keep my Ativan. Heh.

The other day I brought him into the wonderland that is our basement. (After the first time I brought him down there, he told a friend, "That's where the toys all live!") He spied his little trainer potty and proceeded to scream for half an hour, complete with foot stomping and pulling on the door handle, until I went downstairs and brought it up.

So today I figured - he's sporting a little bit of a rash, I'd let him run around sans-bottoms for a while. Sure enough, he told me when he had to go on the potty, and sure enough, he peed on the potty. Go, Sammy!

But not before I caught him sitting quietly on the couch. When I asked him what he was doing, he casually replied, "I'm wiggling my peepee."

And so it begins. Boys. Sigh.

When we first met Sammy's surgeon, the impression was everything we expected a pediatric heart surgeon at one of the top hospitals in the world to be: intelligent. Well-spoken. Confident, if not slightly cocky. We told ourselves that we wouldn't want him any other way - the last thing you want is someone unsure of themselves working on your child's tiny, tiny heart! Could you imagine? "Hey... you, nurse - what do you think I should do next?" Eeek!

Then we met him again before Sammy's second surgery, and this time I saw a whole new side to him. He was kind and reassuring. That cockiness we saw in those overwhelming first few days after Sammy's birth was replaced by someone who really seemed to understand the terror of handing over your child. He was still confident, but this time that awe was replaced with a deep respect for him and what he does - and what he was about to do to our child.

I just received an email from another heart mom who informed me that CHB is doing a mission in Ghana:

A 24-member team from the Cardiovascular Program undertook a one-week mission to provide cardiac care to needy children in Ghana. These clinical services are unavailable to the population of 25 million Ghanaians due to lack of infrastructure, chronic economic problems and lack of specialized training. Over the course of the week, 50 children were evaluated and eight were selected for surgical repair. We provided all the diagnostic, operating room and ICU equipment necessary through generous donations to our mission. We were able to provide same high quality care that we have come to expect within our cardiovascular program in Boston.

Sure enough, Sammy's surgeon was there. Here's a link to his profile. Amazing. I have such respect for those who help bring medical care to areas lacking in the quality of care we are so blessed to have here in the U.S. According to the site, "The country contains 25 million inhabitants and exactly 25 trained cardiologists -- one for every one million inhabitants, as opposed to one in ten thousand in the developed world."

My respect for CHB and Dr. Fynn-Thompson just deepened. Each day I am beyond grateful that we live so close to CHB, and I often think about what it would have been like had Sammy been born elsewhere in the world. It's very likely he wouldn't be here with us today. While I dread the coming weeks as we prepare for the Fontan, I feel overwhelmed with gratitude that we have such great care and such a compassionate, skilled surgeon just miles down the road from us.

Pretty darn cool. You go with your bad self, FFT! :-)

Alexandra was born last night just before midnight Seattle time. The labor wasn't without its ups and downs, but in the end, mama and baby did wonderfully. (Thank you all for your happy-healthy-baby-pushing vibes!) She was five weeks early, so she's in the NICU on CPAP to help her lungs out a bit. I won't meet her until May or June when my sister, her husband and baby girl move from Washington to about 45 minutes away from where we now live.

I am so wishing I was there right now. I want to hug my sister. I'm so proud of her.

Sammy has been walking around all morning talking about how the baby came out of Aunt Melanie's tummy because she "pushed, pushed, PUSHED!" complete with arm and hand motions like he's pushing some other kid really hard out of his way. It's actually pretty darn cute. Then he says something bizarre like, "There's a baby in daddy's tummy, and mommy's tummy, and Grandpa's tummy and my tummy too!" and he lifts his shirt and proudly shows us his belly.

Clearly we need to work on this "where babies come from" bit.

Eeeee. I can't wait to meet her. I can't wait until they're out here. My sister - the mommy!.

Welcome to the world, little girl. We love you so much already.

My folks have a noon flight out of NY, so here's hoping things are easy and relatively painless and that the baby waits to make her arrival until they get out to Washington (state).

Eeeeeeeeeeeeee! The baby's almost here!!!!!

There are just over 9 hours before Sammy officially turns 2.

TWO!

I got our weekly babycenter.com email, and every week, the subject has read: "Your Toddler this week." Now? Your PRESCHOOLER.

PRESCHOOLER.

We had his little birthday party today at a local playground, complete with party hats and cupcakes and all the things one would expect at a typical toddler (oops, sorry, PRESCHOOLER ) party. Sammy has been talking about it for weeks, listing all the friends who would be there, how we were going to sing, and the candles - oh, the candles! Even though he was so uncomfortable with a miserable cold, he still went to bed with a huge grin on his face.

(I have a PRESCHOOLER? How did THAT happen?)

In about nine hours, my little boy will turn 2. What a two years they've been - and we couldn't have a more amazing little boy to show for it all.